Category Archives: Recent Posts

A RESULT OF WOMEN’S INEQUALITY

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Fifty nine women accused Bill Cosby of rape, drug facilitated sexual assault, sexual battery, child sexual abuse or sexual misconduct. Roger Ailes, Chairman and CEO of Fox News, TV Journalist Bill O’Reilly, Isiah Thomas; President and coach of the New York Nicks, Bill Clinton; President of The United States, President Donald Trump, United States Senator Al Franken, US Representative John Conyers, Larry Nassar; former USA gymnastics team doctor, Charley Rose; venerable and well respected journalist and TV host and Roy Moore; former Chief Justice and current US Senate candidate, have all sexually abused women and or girls who were under their implied or explicit authority.

There is a more sickening commonality; all of the women remained silent because they knew that no one would believe them. They’d have no credibility because they are mere females in a [M]ale dominated world. They are “Less Than”, Dispensable; Unequal. Fear of being vilified, denigrated, publicly humiliated, physically assaulted and/or  labeled unemployable has kept the women silent.

I won’t refer to or think of these  courageous sisters as victims. However, we must also consider the unimaginable number of women and girls who remain invisible and suffer in silence. To be clear, men are not the only abusers and young boys also suffer sexual abuse at an alarming rate.

The point is this: Adult men must stand beside women and girls and say No More! We must recognize that young boys are programmed by society to think it’s OK to violate a woman or girl’s physical space.

If we men don’t change our mental attitude towards females and work to end sex bias,  society as a whole will suffer for it. We must eliminate negative words, images and behaviors toward women and girls while promoting equality, respect and love through education and advocacy for the benefit of all.

This is the mission of Be Good To Women Day®/The Be Good To Women Collective. Join us.

Tools For Healing

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Tools For Healing is a teen grief ministry founded to help young people between the ages of twelve and nineteen cope with the pain of loosing a family member or close friend. We too often fail to realize that much of the negative behavior from our young people stems from pain that they don’t know how to deal with. We’re here to help.

Cla’ence Says We’d Better Stay Woke!

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<iframe src=”https://player.vimeo.com/video/221368590″ width=”640″ height=”480″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
<p><a href=”https://vimeo.com/221368590″>Claence As The trump House Burns</a> from <a href=”https://vimeo.com/user48523605″>Brad Sanders</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p><iframe src=”https://player.vimeo.com/video/221368590″ width=”640″ height=”480″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
<p><a href=”https://vimeo.com/221368590″>Claence As The trump House Burns</a> from <a href=”https://vimeo.com/user48523605″>Brad Sanders</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>

TRUMP IS NOT THE PROBLEM; HE’S THE SYMPTOM

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We have been inundated ad nauseam with Donald Trump’s misogynistic stream of abusive language and reported sexual assaults upon women and their feelings of being powerless to defend themselves against him.

The fact that Trump is wrong is inarguable; but he is not the problem. Donald J Trump is what you get in a society when women are not considered to be equal. Because of this  attitude toward women and girls it’s OK to rape, abuse and ignore them. You can do whatever you want to a woman just because she’s female.

Focusing on Trump won’t solve his sickness or our problem. The fact that millions of people, men and women, are willing to ignore his total disrespect for anyone who is not white and male and support him for president, tells us that we are the ones with the sickness. We are the ones who let Trump happen.

We must work to change the psychology of inequality if we are to save this nation. Join the fight. It’s up to “We The People.” Government can’t do it. It’s been bought and sold.

Brad Sanders-Co-Founder

Be Good To Women Day / The Be Good To Women Collective

 

Meet the Panelists: Dr. Verda Bradley

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Photo verdabradley.jpegDr. Verda Bradley Ph.D, LCSW, is licensed by the American Board Of Clinical Social Workers, she is a board certified diplomat and CEO of the Bradley-Glen Behavioral Health Association. We are thankful to have her expert advice and insight for men and women who want to improve their communication with one another.
Why is positive communication between men and women important to you personally? Communication is the essence of living in this world. Positive communication strengthens my values, my faith  and gives insight into my behavior. I learn through communing. Positive feedback can provide an accurate perception of one’s personal reality.  Men and women are fundamentally different.  We are not only biologically different but there are psychological differences as well. I have daughters and watching them play as children was interesting and different from my grandsons play.  The rules were set up differently and the consequences of  breaking those rules also differed. Generally men are solution driven while many women like to discuss feelings.  When there is a problem men like a resolution but sometimes women just want to revisit the issue one more time.
How can men and women communicate better in dating and married relationships? By expressing their wants, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct and honest way that is respectful to each person. Dr. Theodor Reik suggests in ” Listening with the Third Ear” that we listen to the other person attempting to get our own needs met but we must also try to meet the needs of other person as much as possible; listening and negotiating so that the other person wants to choose to cooperate because they too are getting something out of the interaction.
How can women and men communicate better in work place/business interactions? Each person needs to make requests in a way that is respectful, providing priorities and clear goals to be achieved.
What hinders positive communication? Do you think people say what they really mean most of the time or do they say what they believe the other wants to hear? Often, our communication style is similar to messages we received when growing up. If we grew up surrounded by people who communicated in a passive/ aggressive style, that is how  we learned to deal with messages.  Many people need to learn how to say no or yes in a way that doesn’t damage the relationship while acting in accordance with personal values and morals.
Read the interviews with our other panelists here and join us March 5 at Emmanuel HM Turner Church in Los Angeles for Are You Hearing Me? Am I Hearing You? See all the details, RSVP, and invite your friends and family here.

 

Meet the Panelists: Rev. Dr. Charles Lee-Johnson

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As we prepare for our upcoming panel discussion on March 5, we want to feature our panelists. Today, we meet Rev. Dr. Charles Lee-Johnson.

Dr. Charles Lee Johnson is the pastor of Corona Community Church. He is also CEO of the National Family Life and Education Center which provides local, national and international consultation and training services. Dr. Johnson is unequivocally committed to positive development of young people, families and communities across the world. We are honored to have him as a panelist for “Are You Hearing Me? Am I Hearing You?”

Pic of Charles 5Why is positive communication between men and women important to you personally?
Families are the manufacturing agencies in which people are produced.  When the manufacturing agency is broken, it produces a broken product, and Broken families produce broken people.  While many people focus on repairing families by seeking to fix individuals, and others seek to address social issues that are impacting families, history is a clear teacher that healthy communication is the glue that holds families together.  I was blessed to have a wonderful mother, but I had a father whose alcoholism and crack cocaine abuse prevented him from being involved in my rearing.  Even after he recovered, my biological father lacked the ability to effectively and positively communicate with my mother, which led to his being absent in my life.  I decided very early in my life, to work on being a great communicator, in an effort to prevent the latter phases of my life from being as broken as the former.  The cycle of pain that could have engulfed my marriage and children has been broken, because of the early and conscious decision I made to be a good communicator.

How can men and women communicate better in dating and married relationships?
Most people are very egocentric, in the fact that we believe everyone communicates the way we do.  This ignores the fact that there are a plethora of communication styles, and most of our personal communication styles were developed in our respective families.  In other words, the culture of our families dictates our communication style.  Those who seek to have healthy relationships must be intentional in understanding the family context and communication style of their partner.  Failure to understand a partner’s family of origin, childhood rearing, or communication style, will prohibit true intimacy in any relationship.  Communication requires hard work by both parties to seek first to understand, then to be understood.

How can women and men communicate better in work place/business interactions?
Respect is key, if there is to be positive communication between men and women in the workplace.  Men must approach women from a position of humility, honor, grace, kindness, and fairness.  Women must approach men from a position of humility, gentleness, sensitivity, and understanding.  Men and Women bring unique gifts and perspectives to the workplace, and knowing how to effectively work together through positive communication can lead to growth and prosperity for the company and its employees.

In your work; i.e., counseling or coaching others, What percentage of the problems between men and women stem from miscommunication?

Nearly 90% of the issues that couples bring to me as a counselor and Pastor are rooted in unhealthy communication habits.  While most couples come to counseling seeking an immediate remedy for their presenting issue, I always try to get couples to address the larger communication issues that exist within their relationship; which are, quite often, driving the very behavior within their significant other that they abhor.  This requires spending significant time understanding the childhood experiences of their partner, which are always the primary influence on our communication styles.  Couples who are patient and courageous enough to take this journey, experience an intimacy that allows them to overcome nearly any adversity.

Read the interviews with our other panelists here and join us March 5 at Emmanuel HM Turner Church in Los Angeles for Are You Hearing Me? Am I Hearing You? See all the details, RSVP, and invite your friends and family here.

Meet the Panelists: Rev. Kirkpatrick Tyler

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As we gear up for our panel discussion on March 5, we are featuring our panelists. Today, we meet Rev. Kirkpatrick Tyler.

IMG_5397Rev. Tyler is the founder and executive director of the Fig Tree Development Group, which provides training, capacity building, and asset development services for nonprofits, small businesses, and religious institutions.

Why is positive communication between men and women important to you personally? I am a firm believer that communication is the most powerful weapon or tool that we have. The most dangerous position to be in is one where neither side is communicating. It is so critical for men and women because it is the only way we can ever gain understanding between two groups that are so often misunderstood by one another.

How can men and women communicate better in dating and married relationships? There are five things I always teach that are critical points of communication in relationships; that they should be:
  1. Safe – Meaning that each party is able and willing to hear and say what is truly on their heart and mind. Each party must be able to share without fear and hear without judgement. Both parties must feel safe in the idea that they can share freely without the other getting offended, jumping to judgment or walking away.
  2. Open – Often we say we want a spouse or partner who will share everything and be completely honest (The Best Friend Syndrome) When, if we are honest with ourselves, most of us really want our partner’s communication to fit perfectly inside of our comfort zone and frame of who we believe they are or want them to be. In reality both parties would have to practice a higher level of maturity and responsibility towards one another to create an open line of communication. If we want our partners to communicate the same way they do with friends we have to create that same environment for one another.
  3. Honest – Honesty will never exist fruitfully without the presence of openness and safety. But if we can be honest with one another it opens up a whole new level of understanding. Now honesty does not start with being honest with the other person. It actually begins with us being honest with ourselves,i.e., What are my intentions? What am I really feeling? Am I truly asking and saying what is real? Is this as important as I’m making it?)
  4. Respectful – No matter what has to be said or heard each person deserves respect and when we uphold our respect each other we can hear and speak more clearly. When we relinquish our respect we are no longer operating in a space of safe communication.
  5. Be willing to have the tough conversations – Sometimes our communication is poor because we are not willing to talk about the things that make us uncomfortable or hear things that do not fit our mold, frame and expectation. Because we are not willing to have the tough conversations, we only experience our partners on a very surface level; not just our romantic partners but anyone we find ourselves in relationship with.

How can women and men communicate better in work place/business interactions? I believe positive business communication is rooted in mutual respect value and recognition of each others gifts and talents.

What hinders positive communication? Do you think people say what they really mean most of the time or do they say what they believe the other wants to hear?  I think it is often a poisonous mix of both and so in critical situations it makes it impossible to communicate with any level of clarity. I also think we are hindered by our need or perceived obligation,to respond. We usually feel we must immediately comment rather than listen, digest and engage in genuine dialogue.

Do you think males hear differently than females? How so? Yes, I believe we hear from a different place and this does not always fall along gender lines. In most relationships we are often hearing from an emotional perspective, a logical perspective and or a biological perspective, (Heart, Head, Body). This is ever changing and evolving depending upon the situation, and each partner may switch roles at any time. When we can identify and respect our own as well as our partners perspective we can communicate clearly even though we are hearing differently.

When you say “I’m gonna hang out with the guys tonight.” What do you really mean? What do you think the wife or girlfriend hears? I need some time away from this type of relational interaction to go to a place where I can express myself in a way that is very gender specific.

In your work; i.e., counseling or coaching others, What percentage of the problems between men and women stem from miscommunication? ALL OF THEM Communication is the key to success in any relationship.

What do you want participants to take away from your presentation? I hope participants walk away with the willingness to challenge how they communicate with themselves and with others; not to adopt my ideas but to honestly and openly engage and challenge their own.

What would you consider to be the long term effects of better communication between couples; Between co-workers and business associates? How will this change impact families and community? I believe the long term effects are a deeper appreciation for each other, clearer and more deeply rooted relationships. In some cases you may see the need to end some relationships because your practice could reveal that its not the right relationship for you; whether romantic, social, business or other. Finally, I believe improved communication is the key to us working together to liberate our people.

Join Rev. Tyler and our other incredible panelists Saturday March 5,2016 for Are You Hearing Me? Am I Hearing You?